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Penampang Kadazan Wedding Customs

 Not so long ago, the Kadazans arranged marriages, and   wed­dings were a simple affair. Gun­dohing Dousia, the present   Keeper of Skulls and 6th direct descendant of Monsopiad remembers well the olden time as, to us modernized citizen’s and arranged marriage is maybe the most curious, and perhaps the least under­stood aspect of the life of so many peo­ples around the world. Concerning the Kadazans, Dousia explains that "in the olden days, the children had great respect towards their parents, so they would accept their choice. More, they did not have the money, or the dowry required to get married. They were com­pletely dependent on their parents. If someone wished to get married to the partner of his choice, but his parents would not approve, how was he to come up with required dowry?" Thus, the pre­liminaries to a Kadazan wedding always started with the parents of a young man visiting the family of a prospective bride. The father of the young man would open the talks along these lines: "I have a strong and good son who needs a wife, and 1 see that you have nice daughters. I would like you to marry one of your daughters to my son." The parents of the girl were then left to consider. They might visit the family proposing to get a better picture of their future son-in-law, and, more importantly, they would see if the family was able to come up with the required nopung, the dowry (literally: the [items] sent).

When the family of the daughter shows that they are agreeable to a union, the parents of the young man pay them a second visit and the engagement is arranged. Both parties agree to the bride price, which customarily consists of 15 buffaloes, 10 ancient brass canons, 3 large, Chinese jars and one brass gong. The parents of the future bride will first ask for a higher price, and bargaining is expected. As a matter of fact, if the pro­posed dowry is accepted without negoti­ations, the family of the young man might be considered snob; and if there is too much bargaining, the family of the bride-to-be might start worrying about payment! When both parties agree on the nopung,they need to agree on the `terms of payment', and it can be agreed that the dowry is paid in instalments over a certain period of time, or that some of the items are substituted with not be converted into cash money; they are needed for the wedding feast," he added.

Once the nopung is agreed upon and all terms of payment settled, a date for the actual wedding day is chosen. It must be an auspicious day, whereby the moon calendar plays an important role. Any month is good for a wedding, except March when the cemeteries are being cleaned and ancestors remembered, and the fasting month of the Malays. The Kadazans have always been in contact with the Malay populations along the coast, and being friends, they would not suffer them to be excluded them from the weddings of their children. When all the details for the wedding are settled, from bride price to date, food will be served. In the evening the parents of the man go home, and on their journey they will look out for omens. If the either of the parents falls ill right after eating, or a branch falls from a tree, amongst oth­ers, the date for the wedding has to be cancelled. New negotiations have to be entered to schedule a fresh date for an auspicious wedding day. If no bad omens are encountered, and the parents reach home without further incident, the wedding is usually held about a month after the engagement. In most cases, neither bride nor groom know each other more than from meet­ing in the market, or in the fields work­ing, if at all.

About a week before the wedding, two friends or relatives of the families go around and invite people to the nuptials. The wedding day starts early in the morning in the house of the groom where all friends and relatives gather. They have a late `breakfast', and gener­ally around midday they set out, with the groom in his best fineries and the nop­ung in their middle, for the house of the bride. More often than not, the parents of the groom will stay in their house. When the congregation approaches the house of the bride, joyous Sumazau beats will be sound on ancient gongs. The groom and his entourage enter the house of the bride, presenting the nop­ung. Everyone is served rice and drinks before the young husband can take his bride to his parents' home. This time, the parents of the bride might stay at their home, and not join the wedding ceremo­ny proper, held at the young man's house.

When the congregation arrives at the house of the groom, gongs are sounded again, inviting everybody who hears them to witness the union. Before the wedding couple enters the house, a vil­lage elder, often a Bobohizan, a ritual specialist, asks the bride and groom to put one foot on a round stone at the bot­tom of the staircase. While the couple is standing there, siung, conical hats are held above the man and the lady. Both the stone and the hat are symbols for their marriage: it shall be strong and long-lasting, like stone, while the hats at a time purify them from all evil and shield evil that might be around on the wedding day. Only after this short cere­mony, during which the ritual specialist speaks a few Kadazan charms, the cou­ple and the congregation can enter the house.

 The wedding couple is seated in the centre of the house, the bride to the left of the groom, and again rice will be served. This time, the rice must be served from a kuali, or a wok, in order that there will be always enough rice for the couple to eat .Bride and groom are given a ball of rice each, which they have to feed each other. The ball of rice sym­bolises that the two young people are of different blood, which is now to be uni­fied. Only after this symbolic unification can the congregation be served from the communal kuali. Bride and groom are given a chicken drumstick, as the groom cannot eat from the buffaloes slaugh­tered for the feast. It would be improper for the groom to eat from his own pre­sent to the bride's family! Moreover, if he should eat from the buffaloes, the couple might not be able to have chil­dren.

      The custom requires that the newlyweds spend the first night with the parents-in-law of tl groom. There are many taboos to  observed on this first night. The coup must not bathe for they would bacon vulnerable to evil-intended attacks, an wash away all the good luck the visitor brought! Equally, the couple is not allowed wander outside, not even to set foot on soil for that first night; or  children born to the couple would be i with skin diseases or walk away from home.The next day, the young husband takes his bride to his parents' home where they will stay until the young man has built his own house for him and his wife. Traditionally three months after the wedding the young man visits his parents-in-law, bringing with him a pig. It will be slaughtered ceremonially an eaten by the whole family, signifying that they are from now on blood-relatives.

Much has changed for the Kadazan since colonial rule in Sabah has come to an end. The most significant change is probably in that the man - or the lady - chooses his or her own partner. To this Dousia replies: "Well, nowadays the young people have money. If the parent do not agree to the partner chosen,  children will ask: `but who pays n bride-price anyway...?"'Nowadays, weddings usually last two days and_generallv thev are held on Saturdays and Sundays. Auspicious dates are chosen according to the Chinese Calendar, and the wedding ceremony is h in church. But it is interesting to note that wedding feasts always start off the bride's place on Saturday. Only Sunday does everyone move to t groom's house. The concept and spirit the open house where everybody c join the feast still prevails, but ran will one find that bride and groom we their Kadazan attire. But the nopung far from being abolished, is still a very important factor. As a matter of fact, 1 a young lady of good family and with higher education the parents might a for such an exorbitant nopung the many a young man will have to abandon his hopes. Who said the Kadazan parents have no power over their children any more...?

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